dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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