69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
