just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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