Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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