I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
