My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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