you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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