I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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