You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
