I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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