I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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