i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
