He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
