Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this boner is exhausting
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
