Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
