I CAN MOONWALK!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
