She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
