You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
