The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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