Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
