i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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