Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize