Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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