if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
