Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
