all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She bit a glass in half.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
