girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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