so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
