new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Someone came in the potted fern
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
