Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
