probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
