i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
