The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize