maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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