her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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