Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
