I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
