I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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