I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
