Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
