yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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