i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
