u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
