dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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