We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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