The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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