What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
