do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
