Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
