My nipple is on Facebook.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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