omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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