Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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