Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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