she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her facebook's as public as her vagina
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
