just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
