you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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