I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there was a trapeze. enough said
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
