Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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