I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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