Umm I'm too high to move.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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