Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize