thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize