You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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