I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
