Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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