You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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