I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize