i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
