dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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